mandy grim
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Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Jaja's beautiful wedding song
So I attended my should've-been-sister-in-law, Jaja's wedding with Michelle last Sunday (March 9, 2014). And as expected we were overcome with emotion (haha crybabies). The wedding was beautiful and the theme was unique and awesome. But what really stuck with me was the music. I didn't know Matchbox 20 sang such a beautiful song. Check it: Overjoyed by Matchbox 20. (ready your hanky) ) But while searching for this song, I came across an old Matchbox hit - Last Beautiful Girl. I used to really like this song 'til I completely forgot all about it. Some songs age really well :) I just wish that there's a 'positive' version of this song. :) )

Posted at 06:09 am by mandy grim
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On last post (which was dated August 2012)
Funny how my last post was so 'spot on' :)

Posted at 06:02 am by mandy grim
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Thursday, August 30, 2012
random thoughts
i was, for a fleeting moment, overcome with a sudden, strong urge to write something profound. but it's gone now. i have this weird feeling like i've wasted a considerable part of my life. i think i still am. it's the same thing with money. i've been working for 7 years and i have nothing to show for it. my dream of backpacking all over the globe is still that - a dream. if you can peek inside my head, you'd love it there. it's all nice and dramatic, exciting and colorful, creative and intelligent, weird and slightly insane, idealistic and what not. it's only inside my head that i am fully me. i don't speak in tagalog inside my head for some reason. sometimes i refer to me in the plural -- which i find weird and ever so shlightly disturbing... like i have this personality on the verge splitting into several different personalities. i know i can write, just not in the way i want to. i read some of my friends' writing and i am envious -- they have a way with words that i just do not have. i read mine and i found it so contrived. i can't even write stuff on social networks without being conscious of what i write. so i don't do it. i'm 28. i have less than a handful of friends and batchmates who are married and/or who have kids. sometimes i get baby cravings, but i cant see myself settling down anytime soon. i just can't. i still have lot of stuff to do. for me. parenting requires sacrifice. sometimes i think being a parent entails losing a part (or a lot) of yourself. i am not ready to make that sacrifice (or a million other sacrifices) just yet. i still want to enjoy the time i have. for myself. i think that if i do not do everything that i want to do in life before settling down, i think i will live an unfulfilled life. which is why i really want to start traveling, exploring -- and writing about it. i think that's a wise decision: to not settle down before one is ready (not only in terms of fulfilling your dreams, but also in terms of... well everything). that way you can fully devote yourself to raising a family and making a home. most of the time i just want to get started on my dream of traveling. seriously. i want to see what is out there in the whole wide world. horizons, roads, paths, they all beckon to me. i want to travel.period.if i could spend the next few years doing nothing but traveling, i would be extremely happy. extremely. it would be like heaven to me. heaven.

Posted at 09:20 am by mandy grim
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Tuesday, March 29, 2011
you deserve this but it doesn't make it hurt any less
musta na un hunny ni dong? ayaw mo talaga ko maging friend sa fb
noh?! ok lang, baka kase may makita ko don na mag pic nyo...wag
kang mag-alala sanay na ko na lagi k nya kasama, kaya pag wala sya
wala ka na rin.... gudluck girl!


~ you deserve this but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
Seriously, how many more of this are willing to take?

on the other side of the fence, she's hurting too... because of you...
and she's hurting more than you are because she has a son and they've been together for over a decade...

you are positively whacked and you know it...
Sad

Posted at 11:28 pm by mandy grim
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Monday, March 21, 2011
you know im bad.. im bad.. you know it
I am officially the most evil person in the world.
I mean how can you possibly dislike someone so much when you're the one who's doing something wrong?!

ugh... i am positively reeking of badness... :(


Posted at 03:23 am by mandy grim
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Friday, March 04, 2011
Kuya's Here

I was checking out this sorta blog 'o mine and I came across my post about him moving in with his child's mom and I'd just noticed the date was Dec. 22, 2010 - his baby's birthday. That's right his baby's born already. In fact, he's already 2 months old - that's how behind I am. Anyways, I've always thought when Kuya (that's what WE call him, Baby Quattro, Q) is born already, that everything would change; I was afraid that there would no longer be US. But nothing could be farther from it - we are still together, like nothing has changed. We were supposed to have a date the night Kuya was born, but since he was being brought into the world, he (boyfriend) had to be there, of course, being the dad. I had this weird feeling, like I was coming undone, like I was becoming dislodged. I smoked a cigarette to calm me down. Of course I got texts from him asking me if I was mad. Of course I wasn't. Never. The cigarette calmed me down. The texts assured me a bit. But you know what really got me settled? The fact that he came to see me before he left (for NE). That's right. I was a little guilty of course, I felt I was sidetracking him. But it turned out he was going to pick up his mom at SJ so they could go to NE together. And right there and then, I calmed down and once more felt secure, guess you could say. And I got texts from him pretty much during his whole trip and even when he was already there. He was asking for name suggestions, and the like. And I somehow felt I belonged, even though technically, in reality, I have no business even being a part of the kid's life, because when you think about it really, who am I? But, it was a nice feeling really. And now we talk about feeding, pooping, changing diapers, buying milk and diapers, Kuya's belly button condition, lactose intolerance, baby formula and the like. We call him and kuya (dad and son), 'My Boys.' I can't quite shake off this feeling that I'm somehowm stealing someone's spotlight. Well, I am actually... And yes I'm sorry. I feel terrible. :-(( I'm not out to take somebody out of the picture. I've not intention of stealing someone's mom duties. But I like it here, I love it here. And I'm staying.


Posted at 02:45 am by mandy grim
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Sunday, February 27, 2011
Basketball Related Stuff: The Perk Trade (Because I Bleed Green)

OKLAHOMA CITY: B-plus

I'm proud of my man Sam Presti: He stared at the Western landscape, stared at it some more, stared at it some more … and then it dawned on him. We could make the Finals if we got some size and scoring off the bench. So he flipped some assets (Jeff Green and the rights to a future Clippers first-round pick) and ended up with a playoff-proven center (Kendrick Perkins) and a streaky bench scorer (Nate Robinson, who absolutely murdered the Celtics this season, but whatever). Flipping Green for Perkins helped the Zombies in two ways: Now James Harden can play (they need to find out whether he's good once and for all), and everyone falls into his natural position now. A front line of Serge Ibaka, Kevin Durant and Green always felt undersized, especially on those nights when a physical low-post player like Zach Randolph was ripping them to shreds. No more. Ibaka, Durant and Perkins? Yikes.

The trade helped the Zombies so much that one Boston friend wondered whether the Celtics made it partly to screw the Lakers: By giving them Perkins, the Celtics increased the chances that Oklahoma City could get past a team that it nearly toppled this past April. Obviously that's ridiculous, but it tells you how highly Boston fans thought of Perkins (we'll get to that) and how much we trusted him in a big series. You could go to war with Kendrick Perkins … and the Zombies didn't have enough soldiers. They're a better team today.

BOSTON CELTICS: C-minus

Strategically, the trade made sense: The Celtics decided that the hole created by Perkins' departure (rebounding and interior defense) wasn't as important as the hole they needed to fill (perimeter scoring, perimeter defense, flexibility). The dirty little secret of the 2010-11 Celtics? They really missed … (wait for it) … Tony Allen.

That's right, Trick-Or-Treat Tony!

They actually missed his defense and athleticism. Marquis Daniels did a decent job filling the void, but once he got hurt, Paul Pierce became Boston's only perimeter player on the entire roster who could defend Carmelo Anthony (Round 1?) and LeBron James (Round 2?). You really want to rely on a 32-year-old with nearly 1,000 games on his odometer for four straight playoff rounds as your only small forward? That left Danny Ainge with two choices: overpay for a rental (Shane Battier, Jamario Moon, Mickael Pietrus, etc.) or fundamentally change his team.

Here's what he saw with Perkins: a 26-year-old with some miles (and multiple surgeries on his shoulders and knees) in line to make $10 million a year (a price the Celtics didn't want to pay), only they couldn't play him at crunch time because, between Rajon Rondo's fear of getting fouled and Perkins' lack of offense, that meant the Celtics were playing three-on-five offensively down the stretch. You can't win that way. That's why Glen Davis grabbed Perkins' crunch-time minutes against good teams.

And here's what Ainge saw with Green: only 24 years old, a phenomenal teammate by all accounts, someone who played out of position battling bigger players and never complained (not once). I remember looking up his stats a few weeks ago, when I was working on my trade-value column, and wondering whether his confidence was waning: He had been a 39 percent shooter on 3-pointers in 2008-09, but he dwindled to 30 percent this season. Ainge probably hopes that Green (A) will be better playing his natural position, (B) can swing from big forward to small forward depending on the matchups, and (C) can spell Pierce and Ray Allen even better than James Posey did three years ago. Against Golden State on Tuesday, the Celtics played Von Wafer, Robinson and Delonte West at the same time. That would work against LeBron or Carmelo? Please. With Orlando fading into obscurity, only the Lakers loomed as a playoff team that made you say, "We definitely need Perkins in that series." Was that enough of a reason to keep him around? You tell me.

If the Celtics had a glaring flaw these past two years, it was a lack of flexibility: They could never go small, only big, and they were entirely predictable at crunch time with Garnett, Davis, Pierce, Allen and Rondo (and Perkins almost always stuck on the bench). Green allows them to play small ball against athletic teams, protects them from Pierce getting into foul trouble and gives them another solid defender against LeBron and Carmelo. Make no mistake -- this was a gaping, bullet-sized hole that needed to be filled. But was that hole bigger than the one created by trading Perkins? He played Dwight Howard well; that's gone. He played Andrew Bynum well; that's gone. He supplied a toughness that's rarely seen in the league anymore; it remains to be seen whether Garnett can carry that torch alone. Actually, that's my biggest fear if we weren't putting a ton of eggs in the Shaq Basket (scary thought), banking on Jermaine O'Neal to crawl out of his grave (not likely), hoping for decent minutes from Nenad Krstic (yikes), praying for a Troy Murphy buyout (too bad it's not 2008) and maybe even banking on a Rasheed Wallace comeback (just shoot me).

Still, I believe Boston's perimeter hole was more glaring than the one Perkins just left … on paper. Remember, the Celtics were 33-10 this season without Perkins before the trade -- it's not as though he was irreplaceable. He made the first 42 minutes of every game easier; he didn't matter for the last six. If this were "Sliding Doors" and we could play the rest of the Celtics' season two ways -- one with Green, one with Perkins -- I'd bet anything that Green would log more crunch-time minutes than Perkins does. I liked the trade on paper. I really did. This team is better positioned to make the Finals now. On paper. On paper.

On paper.

And there's the rub. We don't play basketball on paper. I cared about this particular Celtics team more than any Celtics squad since Reggie Lewis was alive -- and that includes the 2008 title team -- mainly because the players enjoyed one another so much. I wasn't surprised to hear that Perkins cried for most of the day Thursday, that Boston's veterans were infuriated by the trade, that Rondo (Perk's best friend) was practically catatonic heading into Thursday night's game in Denver. These guys loved one another. As recently as last season, you couldn't have said that. But Shaq loosened everyone up; so did four full years of the core guys being together; so did Doc's belated maturation into an impactful coach (believe me, I'm as shocked as anyone); so did the contract extensions (Boston's four All-Stars are signed through at least 2012); so did the bonding experience of blowing Game 7 and having that purple confetti fall on their heads; so did the enduring belief that nobody had ever beaten them when they were healthy.

I attended Tuesday's game in Oakland and saw exactly what I expected to see: a well-rested, veteran team that knew it hadn't won there in six years and took care of business accordingly. In the first half, David Lee didn't like the way Perkins fouled him on a drive, whirled around and bumped Garnett and Perkins (standing next to each other) on his way to the line. Double technicals. I remember thinking, "Uh-oh -- no way we're losing now." Something like that happened frequently with these Celtics. They had become the modern-day version of the Bad Boy Pistons -- not the fighting, just the barking, woofing, shoving and general villainy -- with Perk and Garnett as Bill Laimbeer and Rick Mahorn. That was the team's identity, for better and worse. They knew who they were. I left Oakland thinking that we were headed for the Finals. We had "The Look," as Mike Lombardi calls it.

Less than 48 hours later, I found myself staring at an "FYI: Perk for Jeff Green" e-mail for two solid minutes. What???????? I remember drafting Perk out of high school. I remember his being fat and awkward. I remember liking his mean streak that surfaced at the strangest times. I remember those flashes of potential as Perk banged the boards with Al Jefferson. I remember thinking we could count on him after the Garnett trade and not really knowing why. I remember watching that same ugly jump hook over and over again, hoping beyond hope that it might get better. I remember winning a title with him, and I remember losing a title without him. I remember seeing him warm up before opening night, a good two hours before the game, almost as though he didn't want the team to forget that he was coming back. Like every other Celtics fan, I watched him go from nothing to something. I certainly never imagined watching Perk play for another team.

My father was more crushed than me. He's been a season-ticket holder since 1973 and still attends 25 Celtics games per season. As he explained Thursday night, "I was invested in Perkins. I sit 15 feet from their bench -- I watched him grow up. I don't think sports is always about winning and losing. We might be better, but right now, I don't care. I liked the team we had. It doesn't feel right that he's not on this team."

See, you can't truly love a team until you've suffered with it. The 2008 title team always felt like a fantasy team that had been thrown together in some sort of euphoric basketball dream that wasn't quite real. Losing Garnett in 2009 (and eventually, the Orlando series) definitely hurt; blowing the 2010 title was 100 times worse. The agony of those last two games pushed our relationship with the team to an entirely different level. I still remember seeing Perkins rolling around in pain during Game 6 -- it happened about 20 feet away from me -- then the veterans watching him get helped off, his right leg dangling in the air, the life sinking from their bodies like Apollo watching Rocky wave him back to the corner. With a healthy 2011 Garnett in that Game 7, maybe we could have survived. Banged-up 2010 Garnett couldn't get it done. The trophy was sitting there, and we couldn't take it. A crestfallen Perkins spent the summer blaming himself, busted his butt to come back … and the Celtics dumped him a month after he returned. Claiming they couldn't afford him only made it worse: The kid signed a discount extension four years ago and outperformed it. They owed him.

Selfishly, I wanted one more chance with them: Garnett, Pierce, Allen, Rondo, Perkins, Baby and Doc, the only seven guys who mattered here. But that's the thing about sports -- "them" always seems to change when you least expect it. We traded Charlie Scott when I was in the second grade. We traded Danny Ainge when I was in college. Now Perkins. Those were the three most brutal Celtics deals of my lifetime. Each one hurt the same. Doesn't matter how old you are, where you are in your life, where you're living … there's no feeling quite like your favorite team trading someone you genuinely liked.

You might remember LeBron and Carmelo getting excoriated for stabbing their respective teams in the back. You want to know why they didn't care? Because, deep down, they know that teams don't care about players, either. They probably witnessed 20 variations of the Perkins trade during their first few years in the league. Hey, it's a business. Hey, that's just sports. Hey, trades come with the territory. Isn't loyalty a two-way street? When a team does what's best for itself, we call it smart. When a player does the same, we call him selfish. We never think about what a double standard it is.

I thought Perk deserved better than getting blindsided in Denver, then having to limp around with a sprained knee and pack his stuff with tears rolling down his face. Maybe I'm a sap. But that was our guy. Family. On the phone, my dad decided -- completely seriously -- that he would rather have lost the 2011 title with Perkins than have tried to win it without him. Why?

"Because he was truly part of our team," Dad said. "I don't want to root for laundry. I watched that guy for eight years. That should mean something. Continuity should mean something."

Within a few weeks, both of us will have talked ourselves into the Jeff Green era. That's what fans do. We take the hits, shake them off, keep coming back. The Celtics will morph into something slightly different: a little more athletic, a little more flexible, a little younger and, hopefully, almost as tough. Perkins will fly to Oklahoma City, live out of a hotel room, make new friends and try to help Durant and Russell Westbrook make the Finals. Maybe the Celtics will see him there. It won't feel weird at all, because that's the way professional sports work. We are rooting for laundry. Whether we want to admit it or not.

Bill Simmons is a columnist for ESPN.com and the author of the recent New York Times No. 1 best-seller " The Book of Basketball," now out in paperback with new material and a revised Hall of Fame Pyramid. For every Simmons column and podcast, check out Sports Guy's World or the BS Report page. Follow him on Twitter at http://twitter.com/sportsguy33.


Posted at 09:01 pm by mandy grim
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Monday, December 27, 2010
Only You
Looking from the window above
It's like a story of love
Can you hear me?
Came back only yesterday
Who went further away
Want you near me

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

Sometimes when I think of her name
When it's only a game
And I need you
Listen to the words that you say
It's getting harder to stay
When I need you

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

This is gonna take a long time
And I wonder what's mine
Can't take no more

Wonder if you'll understand
It's just the touch of your hand
Behind a closed door

All I needed was the love you gave
All I needed for another day
And all I ever knew
Only you

Posted at 01:46 am by mandy grim
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Wednesday, December 22, 2010
What Have You Gotten Yourself Into

Here it is
the thing you've been dreading for weeks has finally arrived
And though you knew this was coming
it did not prepare you for how excruciating it would be
 
Yep
He lives with her now
This fact – aside from causing you much pain – has you wondering if you are nuts, a martyr, or a masochist
 
Seriously, why stay?
What do you get from this relationship?
Is it pride?
Ego?
Because the last time you checked there is no competition
Not even in a relationship as complicated, odd and as hard as this one
 
Is it the desire to be "the one"?
A little, perhaps
 
Look back at that moment when you cried your eyes out at that place you went to after leaving Pier One
He even asked why you were bawling your lungs out
You couldn't – or didn't want to – explain
But it's actually something to do with being exactly that – the one (emphasis on one)
What triggered your crying fest was this:
Your topic some how became about past relationships
You casually remarked that every other girlfriend he had just sort of passed through his life and that only one remained – remains, rather

No word of comfort came from him here
Just a nod
He agreed and even said that an ex-girlfriend said the exact same thing I did
[Wow. What are you still doing there?]
And you realized that the same fate awaits you
Just another passerby in a long-list of passersby
 
So what are you still doing there?
It's because, just like him, you are a selfish brat who just won't (or can't) let go; who just won't (or can't) give up
 
And so you stuck around – are still sticking around
Even after he's moved in with the mother of his child
 
And never has he been more reassuring that he is now
(You got to hand it to the guy; he really does care for you)
 
Still you feel restless and sad and unsettled all at the same time
For the last six days you've been feeling like there's a blunt chunk of something hard stuck between the upper and lower left chambers of your heart
Creating this dull ache that stubbornly refuses to go away
This dull ache sharpens as the clock nears 5pm
Because you know that he has to go
(Go tears flow, flow)
Home
Home to her
 
You can't even type that word when you text him to be careful during his daily commute to and from the office
You just can't
 
It hurts too much
It makes you sad
It makes you envious
 
Because she has what you could never (ever) have with him
And you told him so
 
And though his texts are reassuring
You can't help feeling that his moving in with her has left you sort of unanchored
Like you are an object floating on a body of water
Just going with the current
Never able to plot your course
 
Because honestly, how do you plan for something like this?
You simply can't
Planning does not apply to you
Unless it's an appointment with the dentist, a trip to the movies, sleepovers
Activities that only involve days
Not months
Not years
Planning involves making decisions that concern the future
His future's already busy, already full
There's no telling whether there's room for you then
Even if he wanted to…


Posted at 01:14 am by mandy grim
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Tuesday, July 06, 2010
Let That Be Enough
I wish I had what I need
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone

And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land

And all I see
It could never make me happy And all my sand castles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
Let that be enough

It's my birthday tomorrow
No one here could now
I was born this Thursday
22 years ago

And I feel stuck
Watching history repeating
Yeah, who am I?
Just a kid who knows he's needy

Let me know that You hear me
Let me know Your touch
Let me know that You love me
And let that be enough

Posted at 04:21 pm by mandy grim
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